I’m sure anyone in this midst of this will tell you the most difficult part is waiting. There are windows of opportunity, and then there are times when you are simply waiting for the next window to appear. This felt like the longest wait yet.
I’m sure the new year had a lot to do with it. People all around us are setting goals to improve their lives, and here we are trying to start ours.
In the past, I’ve felt that some of my posts were critical in nature. I don’t recant them because it needed to be said, and I still stand by those opinions. I think because I’ve been honest about some of the ugly feelings that come along with this journey, people have forgotten that this space was created with the best of intentions. I hope it’s provided education toward a topic we usually avoid. I hope it’s made you think twice before approaching a couple about certain topics. I hope it’s encouraged you to seek answers. I hope that you DO NOT feel the need to tip toe around us. I can simultaneously be happy for you and frustrated with my own body at the same time.
The end of 2018 and the beginning of 2019 was a long period of heartbreak for so many around us. I won’t go into detail about those events because I don’t feel that they are my story to tell, but looking back, I’m glad we were able to be there for our friends. I’m not sure if I could have been there in the same way had I been caring for child through all of those things. Maybe the universe does have perfect timing.
We’ve slowly been getting good news from those around us, and it has put us in a positive place moving further into this new year. We know our good news is coming soon. It may not be the specific way we sought, but I’ve learned that I can’t plan everything out, and that’s okay.
I’ll be heading to Little Rock this week, possibly alone since John is traveling for work, and I’ll get my first ultrasound of the month. I’ll also start my second round of Letrozole this week which I’m happy to report had zero side effects last round. After that, the schedule gets messy. I’ll have to be monitored before I can receive my trigger shot which means a lot of miles, missed work, and stressful waiting.
On a positive note though, I get to do all this. I get to try before I decide to move forward with another plan.
I’m learning so much from my friends and family as I walk down this road. I’m paraphrasing obviously, but last week a friend said we are so oblivious to so many things because they do not directly impact us. She’s going through her own battle, but it resonated with me as well. I’ve become this poster child for infertility, but there’s sickness, disease, struggle…..horrible things around us that haven’t directly impacted me. I need to be more aware of that. Everyone is fighting something. Everyone.
Writing has been my lifeline through all my negative experiences. I encourage you to put some thoughts down about the things you’re facing. It can be messy. It can be private.
It can also be therapeutic.